Oh, dear reader, strap in for a joyride through the land of questionable startup investments, brought to you by yours truly. If you’ve ever thought investing in startups was a walk in the park, think again! It’s more like a stroll through a minefield, blindfolded. So, let’s dive into the five glorious signs that your startup investment is about as promising as a screen door on a submarine.
- Ghosting Investor Updates: Remember when you used to get those peppy monthly investor emails? Well, now, trying to get an update from the CEO is like trying to nail jelly to a wall. Gone are the days of boasting about the good stuff; now it’s radio silence when the going gets tough. Newsflash, CEOs: Investors aren’t just fair-weather friends. A little honesty goes a long way!
- Thin-Skinned CEOs: Oh, look, the CEO has more beef with internet trolls than ideas for business growth. If your fearless leader is more into playing whack-a-mole with online critics instead of, you know, running a business, that’s a red flag wrapped in a warning sign. Bonus points if they’re orchestrating a Glassdoor praise choir while ignoring why everyone’s calling them a “loser” in the chorus.
- The Vanity Metrics Parade: Ah, vanity metrics, the entrepreneurial equivalent of fool’s gold. If your CEO is more jazzed about frivolous accolades and social media thumbs-up than actual revenue, you might as well be investing in unicorn tears. Free downloads and Facebook likes don’t pay the bills, folks.
- Empire Building Syndrome: Here’s a fun game: Spot the CEO who measures success by the size of their team, not by revenue. If your CEO is on a hiring spree without a thought for revenue per employee, congratulations! You’re now a proud sponsor of the Fastest Sinking Ship in Startuptown.
- The Job-Hunting CEO: And finally, the cherry on top of this disaster sundae – getting reference calls about your CEO from other companies. It’s like finding out your captain’s applied to be a deckhand on another boat. Confidence-inspiring, isn’t it?
In summary, investing in startups can be a rollercoaster of emotions, mostly the kind you don’t want to experience. If these signs sound familiar, you might want to reconsider your investment strategy. And hey, if you’re feeling a bit lost in the sea of startup investment, why not schedule a complimentary coaching call with me? Let’s navigate these choppy waters together and find an investment that doesn’t resemble a sinking ship. Call me, maybe?
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