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On this week, which starts out with a somber Monday holiday, a day of remembrance of all the brave souls who gave their life, fighting for freedom, I thought I might spread some humor as I share these deep thoughts that have always baffled me.

  • Toilet Paper Hanging – Should the paper be threaded over the top or from behind? I’m an over-the-top person.

  • Butt Wiping – From the front or from behind, how much paper, bunched or folded?

  • Toilet Seat Covers – Where does the tab go, in the front of back.

Enough scatological talk; let’s move on to deeper thoughts.

  • Three-Time Author – What’s with that? Does that mean a three-time author wrote a book, became an author, and then the supreme council of authorship determination decertified them, so they had to write a new book, to get recertified, and were subsequently decertified, rinse and repeat? No matter how many books you’ve penned, you’re either an author or not an author. BTW, I wrote a book but am a zero-time author. I’m not too fond of the pomposity of calling myself an author.
  • Football Misnomer – When a football player has never caught a ball, he is not a receiver but a preceiver. Once he catches his first ball, he is a ciever; from his second ball on, he has earned the receiver moniker.

  • Lying Lyars And Their Lying Lies – When a network that admits in court that they constantly and knowingly broadcast lies continues to host liars telling lies, are liars telling lies on a lying network telling the truth? If a negative times a negative equals a positive or if a person uses two negatives, like “I ain’t going to do nothing about that,” which translates to the positive, I will do that, does lying on a lying network equal truth? If anyone can untangle that thought, please hit me up and let me know what I asked.

  • Shark Tank – This is the worst thing to ever happen to startups and Venture Capital. Shark Tank is to raising money for a startup, what laser tag is to war. It has no relation to reality. That’s not how you raise money, and that’s not how VCs analyze an investment.  If you made a realistic money-raising show, the Drying Paint Channel would beat the realistic VC Channel by billions of viewers. SharkTank is the culprit that led every moron who ever thought that pet rocks were the height of innovative creation to decide to go out and raise money for their brain fart on a napkin. And how ’bout those “Sharks?” How bright are they? Shark Barbara Corcoran, the principal funder of Forefront Venture Partners, invested in the real world stupidest fraud company to ever get funded, Trustify. A company that was a blatant fraud from the start. A company where the founder is currently doing hard time in federal prison for defrauding $18 million out of gullible investors.

    Shark Tank is about interesting television and caters to people who enjoy seeing a train wrecks. Shark Tank car wreck ideas like Eyebloc makes excellent TV, yet stupid ideas that solve problems that could easily be medicated with a single sticky note don’t get to pitch to real investors.

So there you go, folks; that’s what I’m thinking about this long weekend. I hope you enjoyed it.

Even though I’m not an author, check out the book I wrote and did not author down there, and then hit the link to buy it on Amazon today!


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