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IoT of Stupid…

Iot of Stupid, IoT of this, IoT of nothing, IoT of everything is going IoT

I have a Withings Scale… I stand on it and then my computer and my phone say… What’s up, Fatso!

I have an IoT thermostat, IoT lightbulbs, IoT Google Homes, Chromecasts, hell I have an IoT IoT.

There are IoT Apple Watches for people who want to make a statement about something.

Don’t forget about the Brita/Amazon joint venture, the IoT Brita Pitcher that automatically orders new filters from Amazon for you. Such a great deal… because if you’re like me you change your Brita Filter every 3 or 4 times a year. But this filter drives up Brita and Amazon revenue by ordering it much more frequently!

There’s a guy in DC who designed an IoT water bottle; you put 12 ounces of water in it, drink all that water… and this friggin thing tells you that you drank 12 ounces of water… that is, if the battery didn’t die. Who doesn’t need an electric water bottle with a battery that lasts as long as an iPhone? I’m worried about the poor guy who dies of thirst in the desert because his bottle battery died, and he couldn’t get his 12 ounces of water.

But wait…. there’s so much more…. buy a proprietary “Fuel Pod” that’s been mixed by out-of-work Meth Chemists who once met a real nutritionist from a company that will be out of business 12 months from now, and what do you have? You have a $200 electric-powered water bottle that does nothing. Oh and that’s not all… these fuel pods offer assloads of proprietary mixed vitamans….  No thanks said you, you’ll take a $15 20 oz Camelback bottle and a Flintstone Vitamin (70 days worth of all the vitamins you need for less than eight dollars).  The magic of the 20-dollar Camelback? Fill it up. Drink it down, and you don’t need a Bluetooth, wifi connection powered by battery to tell you you just drank 20 ozs of water.

I’m starting a company; it’s the IoT nose hair clipper. Plug it in, put it in your nose and it cuts your nose hairs…. and tells reports to your phone the bugger content of each hair. Don’t be grossed out, don’t start saying this is stupid… because by tracking bugger content, it can tell if it’s allergy season or if you’ve spent too much time with your cat.  If the bugger-to-hair ratio gets too heavy, the IoT nose hair clipper will order you an IoT Neddy Pot, and if you want you can get an IoT Neddy Pot with Fuel Pods that are left over from the IoT water bottle.

This IoT world has gone IoT stark raving mad… and everyone wants in.  So order your IoT nose hair clipper now while supplies last.